Periodicals

So at some point, we are going to write more about reading. Yeah, reading is still a thing even though Netflix exists. I mean, you are reading this blog. Anyway, there’s a ton of stuff to read, saying you read periodicals makes you sound super impressive, or maybe like you live in a library. Either way, good.

What’s a periodical, you might ask? It’s anything published on a regular basis with new content - newspapers, magazines, academic and literary journals, you know, that stuff. No one is impressed when you say you read XXL, probably because they think you are talking about your shirt or Slurpee size and they don't even know it's a magazine. Instead, reference it as a hip-hop music and culture periodical. That’ll really bring the house down or whatever happens when people are impressed.

Okay, recommendations:

Any print newspaper

Bonus points for pink pages ( img src )

Bonus points for pink pages (img src)

I mean, I know that most people, and pretty much everyone reading this blog, actually get their news from a combination of the Daily Show and Facebook. Obviously, the newspaper isn’t actually for getting news. No, it’s for carrying on the outside of your bag so when people see you at the coffee shop or during your morning commute, they think you are learned and informed. Any newspaper will do - the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, your local print newspaper if it still exists, your kid’s high school paper, whatever.

The New Yorker or equivalent

The subject of this cover has nothing to do with this blog ( img src )

The subject of this cover has nothing to do with this blog (img src)

I actually have no idea where to buy the New Yorker. What’s a bookstore? Anyway, others in this category: The Economist, and probably a ton of other super sophisticated periodicals (see? Better than “magazines”) that I don’t know about.

Hipster/art magazines

It's like the paper version of a hipster Instagram feed ( img src )

It's like the paper version of a hipster Instagram feed (img src)

These are the periodicals that you find in a store where when you walk out, you think to yourself, “What do they even sell? How is that store still open? Is it a drug front?” The periodicals probably have names you've never heard of and that have nothing to do with their subject matter, like The Green Soccer Journal or The New Order

Highlights for Children

It's not just for when you wait at the dentist's office ( img src )

It's not just for when you wait at the dentist's office (img src)

It’s the best magazine ever for finding pictures of things inside of another picture of things. Plus, and I didn’t know this as a child, they have short stories. Any periodical with short stories is impressive, probably.

I just realized I didn’t explain what you are supposed to do with these periodicals. Here are suggestions in increasing order of importance:

3. Read them, then reference you reading them in conversation.

2. Take pictures of you pretending to read them and put them on social media. Make sure the cover is visible.

1. Leave them on your coffee table/dining nook/desk/anywhere people can see them.