Talk about your goals

So this would have been called Have some not stupid (or stupid) goals, but you know, rule of threes. Anyway, yeah, have goals. And actually, don’t talk about them too much. That’d be super annoying. So really, I guess the title should be Have goals but don’t talk about them too much.

So what’s the deal with goals? Short explanation: goals are proxies for doing something. Not even something interesting. Just something. It can be big or small (in scope, I try to be specific), long- or short-term, financial or social, black or white, spy vs. spy, now I’m just naming opposite pairs. You know some of the typical ones - get a new job, go to the gym, call your mother more. Those are often kind of boring, but mentioning one (especially once you’ve successfully achieved it) is a good way to stunt on your adversaries or the general public during a conversation. Here are some other more interesting, oddball ideas: dunk a basketball, sew yourself a shirt that isn’t ugly, watch every Discovery Channel Shark Week program every produced, build yourself a functioning helicopter using drones. I don’t know how you’d do the second-to-last one, but that’s part of the challenge, right? Having less a common goal might not inspire the same universal shame as accomplishing a common one (except dunking - that will definitely inspire shame), but it’ll make you seem fun, unique, interesting, and a little edgy, and isn’t that really the essence of seeming impressive?

Shark Week should cover the real issues: people MS painting sharks into anime things. This has nothing to do with goals. ( img src )

Shark Week should cover the real issues: people MS painting sharks into anime things. This has nothing to do with goals. (img src)

This single-sentence paragraph is to give you the directive and the time to come up with one goal.

Okay, now you have a goal. What do you do about it? Here are two suggestions to get you started:

  1. Talk about your plan to get there. I guess to talk about the plan, you kind of have to make a plan. So make a plan so you can talk about it. It doesn’t have to be a scheduled five-step plan with individual modules or check-ins or anything. Just break down your goals into more manageable chunks. The key here isn’t that this is practical or helpful (although it is both); it’s to sound like you are always accomplishing something, even if you are perpetually stuck on the first step. Yeah, I know, example: if you are trying to start running, make your first step researching the right running shoes. Second step can be buying them. Third step can be subscribing to Runner’s World or something. Fill in four through nineteen on your own. Step twenty can be actually going on a run. Maybe step thirty seven or so is racing a 5k. You know, it takes a while to find that really perfect pair of running shoes. Bring it up sparingly in conversation. Maybe a little more often when you actually make progress. Speaking of which…

  2. Actually take steps to achieve your goal. If you are doing this, you should definitely avoid talking about it excessively. You’re probably too busy doing real things now anyway. Along your journey, you’ll probably meet new people and learn interesting things. Not to spill the beans or anything, but that's something that might make you actually impressive, which is definitely not the point of this blog.

If they light up it means you did it right ( img src )

If they light up it means you did it right (img src)

Also, don’t do that 100 days project that was all over Twitter like five months ago. Even if someone cared the first two days, no one cares the seventy-sixth.